A couple of weeks ago a close friend asked me “What do you think is the meaning of life?” This holiday season, I’m sharing my response with all of you.

Having, creating and building meaning is likely the deepest “want” most of us have. We want to know that our time here, together, truly means something. For leaders of all teams, creating meaning is the key driver of engagement and commitment because when we know what we are doing means something important to us, we want to do whatever it may be better, faster and smarter.

I believe most people already know the answer to the question my friend asked me, though many people get confused and misled by more superficial things. Here is my reply to my friend:

A few years ago, the VP of Marketing for my business (a large global company with many billions of dollars in sales) was in my office around 7pm. We’d been talking about a number of business issues and were getting ready to wind up our day, when I randomly asked him what he thought the meaning of life was. He was (and is) a very good man.

His answer was breathtaking for both its accuracy and its candor in a corporate setting:

Love.

I asked him if he had read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning“–which a survey conducted for the Library of Congress ranked as one of the ten most influential books of the 20th Century. He had not, so I shared the essence of the book with him.

Viktor was a young psychiatrist in Vienna when Nazi Germany took control of Austria.  As Jews, he and his wife were both taken to concentration camps. The first half of his book is about how he survived the atrocities of that experience. The second half is his own approach to helping people which he called “logo therapy.” Logo in its original definition is not about brand symbols—logo is Greek for “meaning.” Logo therapy is literally “meaning” therapy.

Viktor’s big insight about meaning is very simple. He got through the concentration camp because he believed that he needed to survive to take care of his wife. He knew that his life mattered because he decided to do whatever it took to survive so he could care for and love her. No matter what. He wasn’t important. She was. So he could put up with anything. The worst things people could do to each other. He and other prisoners in the concentration camp also found meaning by giving to and caring for each other.

Viktor’s wife didn’t make it. He did, remarried and had one daughter. He wrote his book, and spent the rest of his life helping people apply his wisdom–all over our world.

Our lives have meaning because of what we can do for others, not because of what we do for ourselves. This is why one study after another shows that buying some new toy or gadget gives us a temporary emotional “high” that is quickly gone. Doing for ourselves produces only a brief moment of joy and meaning. Doing for others? We know we made a difference and feel great inside. And we remember the feeling.

“It is better to give than to receive” is often quoted but perhaps we don’t fully appreciate the truth in those words. In many ways the giver actually gets more than the receiver–because the giver has validated that their life matters and has meaning. Christmas (and all similar holidays) are likely such a wonderful time of year for so many people because we feel so great about giving to others. It is those who have no one to give to who feel sad and depressed during the holidays.

Recently, a “Secret Santa” in Kansas City used his wealth to create meaning, change relationships and build trust between police officers and people in need in the community they serve by giving. He gave a large group of police officers $1,000 each to give to those they saw in need, $100 at a time (letting each officer give to ten different people).  The reaction of drivers of beat-up older cars after being pulled over and receiving some much-needed cash instead of a traffic ticket was priceless. Instead of being seen as the bearer of bad tidings, the police officer was seen as a caring person, there to provide help. The whole relationship between law enforcement and the people involved was redefined in an instant. Instead of preparing to argue over their driving, people opened their arms to share a hug. These acts of giving created meaning for the police officers, the people they helped and, of course, the “Secret Santa” himself. You can learn more about it here:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sheriffs-deputies-kindness-brings-drivers-to-tears/

Meaning comes from giving to others. Helping them. Making a difference in their lives. Of course, the biggest meaning comes from choosing to make one person your special partner in life. A lifetime of meaning and giving is a lasting source of happiness, if it is built on the right foundation.

To achieve meaning for your team (the most important want of all)–give and lead them to give too. Give thanks. Give a helping hand. Give your knowledge. Give a smile. Find a cause worth giving to as a team and then do it. For when we give, we create meaning.  When we know and feel what we are doing truly means something, we will do all we can to make it happen. Because now, we care.

Image Sources: Wikipedia, CBS